The Bird's and the BS

Submitted by streetfighter on Sat, 11/22/2008 at 4:21am.

Local league matches in my part of the world (Fife,Scotland) tend to be mid-week evening affairs, crammed into a 3-hour window between work and sleep. Though a quick shower, a rushed dinner and a sprint downtown for the kick-off are hardly conducive to excellent chess, local leagues provide a necessary and often fun social aspect to an amateur's chess life, and also help to provide the 'match-fit' element between the congresses and tournaments spread thinly throughout the year.

Last Monday was the curtain-raiser to our season, a home-match against a Dundee Castlehill team which, though we could expect to win comfortably on paper, would probably stretch us as they have a core of solid players they can rely on. For us, we were on a high after the previous days exploits in the National League (see Chess Psychology 101) and were hoping to capitalise on our fine play there.

Having been warned that the opposition might have the services of a 2350-rated German student, I was a bit surprised on reaching the club entrance to be confronted by a face from the past -my nemesis in many tournaments as I struggled to win through the Majors and progress to the Open tournaments. Knowing that I was to play black, and that my age-old foe was a keen devotee of Bird's Opening, I felt somewhat relieved that I had recently started a game against one of the strongest players on this site - Linksspringer - and therefore had been looking at this opening quite a bit over the previous few days.

It was not to be as simple as this however - as we sat down my 'nemesis' seated himself on board 2, noted my quizzical looks, then informed me that they had a new guy on board 1 - unrated but probably 1800 or so based on a recent tournament and some club results. This is where it started to go downhill...though not in the way you might imagine!

If you've played and read through the game and the notes, you may think I'm being a bit harsh on my opponent?! Well, let's see what came next, starting the moment he resigned...

Another limp handshake, and then he started muttering quietly under his breath, "S###" then a "F###" or 2, all the while staring at his scoresheet. After a few more expletives I decided to ignore it all, reset the pieces and popped out for my post-game smoke. Coming back a few minutes later my opponent was on the stairs gesticulating to one of his team-mates. When he set eyes on me he exclaimed loudly, "I can't believe I lost this game!"

Well, to tell the truth I was expecting it! His team-mate quickly made his excuses and exited stage left, leaving me trapped at the foot of the stairs listening to a version of the game which was nothing short of fantasy!

"I was winning so easily, I can't believe it...my opening was so good, leaving all your pawns so weak...Oh, it's just not possible to lose this!"

What to do? Normally I would just say something like, 'Well, these things happen', and then leave my opponent to his delusions - but this time I decided instead to argue (politely) each and every point he brought up. What a glorious, glorious waste of time!

As far as he was concerned I didn't exist as an opponent-only HIS moves were ever played in the game -and they were all great! Well, beside the fact that I outgraded him by some 400 points (which isn't always relevant, but at least points to the fact that I might know SOMETHING about the game!) and had actually WON the game! And so it went on for what semed like an eternity...

Anyway folks, at least it never got bad-tempered, but I've honestly never met someone who acted this way to such an extreme - not in 25 years of chess. I've decided to leave his name out deliberately (apart from those who may have read this article over the course of the day it took me to write it), since public humiliation isn't a big hobby of mine - but hopefully he'll read this someday and realise that the Bird's and the B###S### don't mix!

Thanks for taking the time to read this and good luck in your chess!

Andy Burnett (streetfighter)

PDF samples of 'Streetfighting Chess' are available by messaging me a contact e-mail address.

#This article first appeared as a blog posting#

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Comments:

by salamillion - 5 days ago
United States

Member Since: Dec 2008
Member Points: 34

I am on my 6th day of chess and based on what you just wrote I will say it seems like Ice Hockey, Baseball, and work are good preparation. In my Ice Hockey I was once awarded a trophy for a season of good effort and the guy who had won it the three previous years said "Congratulations on winning my trophy" to me. Well you know I smiled and told him to do something that was most likely rude and walked away. Everytime I see that trophy - 30 years later now - I still laugh. Yours is a great story - I just read a review of your book and when I am beyond the basics I will add that to my reading list.